Women, aggression, femininity; Aggressive, feminine women is an interesting topic. A problem especially among successful professional women and entrepreneurs is that they are required to be more masculine at their workplace. However they find it difficult to transition to their feminine energy in their personal relationships.

What does it mean to be feminine and how can women embrace femininity without losing their identity?

This is a complicated issue. There is the dynamic of traditional roles vs. feminist roles, confidence or lack of security in either party, and boundaries related to both career and personal life.

Some men may be uncomfortable if the woman makes more money, has more prestige, or seems to infringe upon his “man’s world.”  A dynamic, professional woman may not fit his idea of what he desires in a partner. He may not be attracted to women who pursue professional careers.

My challenge to the professional lady is to evaluate her sense of confidence in her career performance. In our society the pay gap still exists, working women often face insurmountable challenges in making sure that their work is done and their kids (if they are mothers) are cared for. If a woman feels insecure and is out to prove herself, she may display unnecessary aggression professionally. If so, this will be evident to both male coworkers and her boyfriend or husband and can be a source of alienation or a “turn off.”  On the other hand, if she is confident and fulfilled in her role she is unlikely to convey threatening or competitive messages.

If a man is insecure in his position or performance he may feel threatened by a competent successful woman and not pursue her due to intimidation. He may value successful women, but feel vulnerable to being out-done.

Ladies, you cannot take responsibility for anyone but you. If you are doing your job well, not exuding unnecessary aggression and operating with personal integrity-that’s as good as it gets. It is important to develop healthy boundaries around your job so that you can “change hats” when you transition from professional to personal life. For some people this has to be intentional until the transition becomes automatic. The skills and abilities needed to be a top performer professionally are not the behaviors that cultivate rich and meaningful relationships.

Women, aggression, femininity; There is a plethora of opinion on this topic. I am a fan of integration. I believe aggressive, feminine women can be independent yet collaborative, a leader and affirmer of team effort, confident while appreciative of coworkers. Military, police department and similar workplaces may be exceptions. But in most professions I have witnessed women who are exemplary in their careers without compromising their womanhood. I encourage each woman to identify what she considers to be feminine. My definition of femininity is thoughts, feelings, values, words, apparel or actions that express or display a woman embracing her gender.

The hope is that a woman’s femininity is an important part of her identity no matter where she is.  Consider a “thermostat” of femininity as a metaphor. It should never be turned to off, but the full continuum may be used depending on the context. It is possible to connect to both your femininity, your aggression or to more of whichever is needed in the moment. Aggressive, feminine women can enjoy balance that is fluid, lower in the work environment and capable of being turned all the way up in personal life.

Women, aggression, femininity
Women, aggression, femininity

Copyright ©2013 Marta