Relationship tips; Healthy Communication reassures, comforts, brings relief.
Touch; Significant studies have shown the incredible importance of touch on a baby’s and on animal development. Touch is and remains a vital component of true comfort. Whether or not your love language is touch, always talk to your partner and learn what types of touch they desire. Share yours as well, then seek to please one another.
Listening; Undivided attention, eye contact. Good listeners ask questions so they can understand the heart and mind. Listening never includes dismissive statements. Comfort is only possible if emotional connection is made. In our rushed, performance-oriented culture, we are often poor listeners. Stop speaking, listen to the other person. Affirm what you hear, regardless of whether you agree. Offer truthful encouragement.
Relief; Being touched and listened to brings relief. Relief occurs when we are able to express our frustration and someone listens and responds. Self-awareness always grows as another reflects and puts words to what is going on inside us. Then self-awareness transitions from learning to reflection. So we begin to understand our reactions, behaviors, needs and inner conflicts. Remember these Relationship Tips-This is Healthy Communication.
Sometimes very complicated situations can measurably improve by following simple principles. Follow these three steps; Use appropriate touch, Listen well, Provide relief. In personal relationships these relationship tips will facilitate healthy communication.
Give up being right, healthy communication will increase. Would you rather be loved or right? Individuals usually say they would rather be loved, but the battle soon returns to right vs. wrong. Do not turn your relationship into a debate. Consider this for a moment, does being proved wrong draw you TO the other person or push you AWAY. The fact that we sometimes choose to win an argument at the cost of damaging our relationships points to something terribly wrong.
The need to win an argument assures that no one is actively listening. Feeling loved, cared for and validated is erased by the need to be right. Differing points of view does not make a person right or wrong. The need to be right ruins relationships.
Turn conflict into collaboration and you will have healthy communication. When we find ourselves in a debate, adversarial back and forth, we are alienated from the other person and rupture to emotionally intimacy occurs. A person can not listen and take in information from another when striving to overpower. Look for what you have in common, is there a common goal? Even if the percentage is small, seek the portion of the conversation on which you’re on common ground. Start there, refuse to let the issue divide you. Stand together to collaborate and identify compromises, solutions, or alternatives.
Clarify what you think you hear the other person saying, often we hear on part of what is being said and quickly make assumptions that are not accurate. No communication takes place if we are seeking to win, be right, overpower or justify our assumptions.
Face each other, use eye contact, one person speak at a time, listen and do not interrupt. Identify the problem to be solved, do not make the other person the problem.
Call now if you have any questions; Marta Hatter, LCSW 949-697-4332