Creating Emotional Intimacy; Can women create emotional intimacy with men? How can I do it?

Let me respond at the micro level first, then I will describe my views at a broader level. To be a safe person, each individual in relationship needs to learn what the fears, insecurities and hopes are of his/her partner. What topic or insinuation is threatening? What negative beliefs about self underlie insecurities? Being safe is strengthened if we have insight about the fears of our loved one. It takes humility and gentleness to seek and receive this information. Consequently, our approach in this relationship will be modified in light of what is learned and we will be more accepting and secure for our partner. Being safe and non-judgmental is critical for any person who hopes to enhance connection and trust with the other.

From a broader perspective, encouraging women as a whole it is important to understand there is a balance to being a safe person. On the one hand to recognize and cultivate the importance of attachment and bonding. On the other hand to respect and provide for separateness, self-determination and individuality. So I am saying to women that emotional intimacy is not smothering or controlling.

To create this environment, I encourage women to personify respect to match the level of unconditional love they would like. A multitude of limiting beliefs are accepted in our culture, one is “respect has to be earned.” The problem is, I have witnessed many women mis-use this as “ I will treat you with respect when I am happy with you.” Challenging, correcting and telling him what he should have done are often forms of judging.
Creating emotional intimacy; Speak with respect no matter the content.

Accept his thoughts/feelings even when you do not understand them.

Give honest, humble feedback but do not try to change him.

Believe in him.

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