Behaviors of the relationship addict;
- Begging and pleading when your partner breaks it off
- Calling, texting, emailing, showing up uninvited after relationship is over.
- Being devastated by being alone.
When is love not obsession? When is putting the needs of another above your own healthy and when is it dysfunctional?
Addiction happens when it is less about love and more about fear. Addiction is evident when it is less about who your partner is, and more about who you need the other person to be. The relationship addict is terrified of self, and compensates through the relationship.
SIGNS TO WATCH FOR:
1) You see the other person through your needs. Fear is at the core of the relationship; fear of inadequacy, rejection and abandonment. This fear can become more powerful than reality.
2) You are convinced the person is the answer to all of your needs; affirmation, connection, identity.
3) When you are alone, you are not enough.
4) Even thinking about difficulties in the relationship sends your anxiety straight up.
5) You are emotionally lost and devastated when not in relationship.
6) Subsequently you re-create the same relationship with a different person. Relationship addicts tend to be attracted to the same type of people, so the cycle is repeated.
7) Nothing is spared to maintain the relationship. Sacrifices are made of self-care, self-respect, boundaries, other relationships, money, time, goals, etc.
8) Refusal to recognize red flags, negative signs or significant problems. There is often smothering behavior.
Codependency underlies all addictions;//psychcentral.com/lib/2013/recovery-from-codependency/
The individual exhibiting Relationship Addiction must begin the path of recovery of self. Being true to herself/himself. This self-recovery is best accomplished in a nurturing environment; 12-step group, Codependents Anonymous, individual therapy, family or friends who are emotionally solid and speak truth.
When the individual is able to be content with self, value and worth as an individual not in relationship, healthy relationships can be formed. We are created to be in relationship, AND we are made to have an essential relationship with self. We are to be complete, whole, individualized beings who CHOOSE to be in relationship. Grow out of and past relationship addiction.
Do you need help discerning if you are addicted to your relationship? Call me; 949-697-4332