Codependency and bad relationships; I have to fix people to be loved
Codependent relationships; Many codependent people have a deeper belief that if they are not helping people get better they have no value.This is different than enjoying being helpful, or being fulfilled by being other-centered. The individual’s value as a person is based on over-helping or rescuing others. Enablers help others in a way than enables the other to continue unhealthy actions. When relationships problems occur, they always blame themselves. Unhealthy attitudes, self-destructive behaviors, addictions, irresponsibility, etc. are examples of unhealthy actions.
If they have no value, they cannot be lovable. The problem with this pattern is if you need to fix sick and dysfunctional people in order to feel lovable, you will continually attract these people into your life and they will not get well. These are often bad relationships. Often these patterns are developed when the individual is very young, co-dependence is part of the family of origin. Sometimes a dysfunctional mother or father hold the child responsible to make them happy, to provide the stability in the family.
Codependent relationships; You need them to be “un-fixable” so you can stay “loveable.” This is an endless cycle if not treated. The dilemma is that deep, satisfying relationships cannot develop with this dynamic. There must be freedom rather than over-dependence. Love flourishes in freedom. For more detail go to;
Avoid bad relationships, recover from codependency and being an enabler. Change is completely possible, be motivated and humble, then nothing will stop you.
Codependent people are often miserable, believing they never do enough. The futile cycle of trying and trying but never reaching the goal. Codependent Anonymous groups are available in most area. This is a twelve-step group that provides education and support to help heal from co dependence. You may have questions, feel free to call me for a free phone consultation; 949-697-4332.