Seek Awareness– Value comfort; Ask questions & discover feelings, underlying needs, and “buttons.”Engage –Bring this new awareness into relationship. Explore–Listen & clarify, ask further questions. Respond with understanding, validate feelings, offer to help. Resolve- Resolution brings relief. Offer closure, maybe negotiate, problem solve, compromise, own-up, confess, and forgive. Sometimes comfort involves reassurance & nurture. Improve your relationships, comfort each other.
Provide comfort by moving outside of yourself and asking genuine questions of your partner. Focus on what he/she is saying, rather than your own thoughts. Affirm the feelings of your partner whether or not you understand them. Accepting what you do not understand takes more love.
Try to remember when you have been upset, disappointed or hurt and were comforted by someone. How did the person comfort you? What aspects of what he/she said and did helped you to feel better? Consider the points made above as behaviors that will help you to reassure someone you care about; Engage/explore/resolve.
In sessions, I often ask my clients what memories they have of being comforted or reassured. Often it is very difficult for an individual to identify specific memories. This is unfortunate, and I challenge you that each of us should seek to be strong in the area of comforting and reassuring those we are in relationship with. This applies to family, romance and friends. Very difficult and stressful things occur in this world, what a beautiful thing to reassure and comfort another person.
Goals for you may include;
- Attaining a better understanding of yourself, your goals and values
- Learning new ways to cope with stress and anxiety
- Managing anger, grief, depression, and other emotional pressures
- Accept Relationship advice, Improving communications and listening skills
- Changing old behavior patterns and developing new ones
- Discovering new ways to solve problems and resolve conflict
- Improving your self-identity and boosting self-confidence
Let’s work together to strengthen your relationship skills, call now; Marta Hatter, LCSW 949-697-4332