Improve your Relationship;
- Always identify the problem as the problem, not the person as the problem. This will help to keep you on the same team. Example; “The problem is we see this issue differently, with different solutions. Let’s brainstorm compromises & the pros and cons of the different solutions, then decide.”
- Commit to the mutual agreement that when two different views are both valued, there is not a right and a wrong. If you insist on being right, you are each thrown onto opposing teas. If you need to win, stick to sports.
- Take responsibility for your shortcomings and your mistakes. Then your partner does not need to point them out. Be humble and honest, this will increase emotional intimacy.
- Learn to accept how she/he feels whether or not you understand it, and whether or not you agree. ACCEPT your partner’s feelings, and give REASSURANCE.
- If you are afraid to bring something up, resist avoiding and take responsibility for thoughts/feelings by respectfully sharing them with the other person.
- When your “button” is pushed, state you are having an emotional response & ask the speaker to clarify the intention of what was said or done before you react.
- When conflict arises and you feel yourself getting heated during a conversation, let your partner know that you’re overwhelmed and take a 20-minute break. (That’s how long it takes for your body to calm down.) Then you might try closing your eyes, taking slow, deep breaths, relaxing your muscles and visualizing a calm place. After you’ve calmed down, you might help soothe your partner. Ask each other what’s most comforting and do that. Then continue the conversation.
- Soften your start-up, which simply means starting the conversation without criticism or contempt. Maintain an attitude of team-work, do not allow the difficulty to divide you. Be self-aware and refuse to take an attitude of entitlement.
- Remember to be tolerant of each others’ faults. We are all imperfect people and we need grace from one another. Try to out-do each other in honoring one another.
- Internal Processors-Share what you are thinking and feeling even if you are still in process, stating you will communicate more as your processing continues. If you with-hold for fear of conflict, conflict you will get anyway as your partner reacts to your withdrawal. External Processors-sit with your feelings before speaking and give the other person time and space to process especially if he or she is an Internal Processor. When he or she is ready to speak, do NOT interrupt. Improve your Relationship.
Copyright ©2014 Marta