Premarital Pointers; Couples & their family relationships are very important
- Do each of our families welcome the other?
- Does each family support the relationship?
- If we choose to invest more deeply in this relationship, would it cause conflict or distance with either family?
- Do either of us continually defend the other from family criticism?
- Is either family controlling or interfering in this relationship?
Premarital pointers teach you; Family relationships have significant impact on couples!
In most cases, couples who marry are also accepting a significant connection to the family of their spouse. If this will be the case, it is critically important to give each family time to get to know the future daughter or son. When the “in-laws” are welcoming, a tremendous emotional support is experienced by the couple. Try not to procrastinate, or rush your family to develop a relationship with your significant other, give it time, show them respect AND have appropriate, loving boundaries in place.
If either family does not support the relationship, objectively examine why. At times, family have biases, or unfair judgements, over-connection to their own child, on and on. Meet as a couple with a Premarital Counselor who teaches premarital pointers and discuss this. In other situations, there are genuine concerns about your relationship and the parents may be offering wise discernment. Again, meeting with a professional who is objective is a wise step.
If either of you are continually defending the other from family criticism, you need help determining if this is about a strong dysfunction in the parents, or if you need help opening your eyes to reality-based problems in your relationship. If you find that either family is controlling or interfering in your relationship, this is a significant problem. Again, I implore you to meet with a professional and discuss the situation. If the problem is serious, you may need help in how to create healthy distance from the parents in the most respectful manner possible.
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