Few children from broken homes, whether by divorce or death, adapt easily to stepparents. This varies greatly with circumstances and ages of children. Being a stepparent is a very difficult tight rope to walk. Children may be hostile to the “invasion” of a stepparent. A stepparent may find that it is difficult to love a stepchild as much as a natural child. And the natural parent, of course, can pull rank, so the stepparent will have to strike a balance of being a parent and a non-parent. Disagreements, conflicts and inconsistent discipline methods between separated or divorced parents can cause emotional and behavioral problems. It will take much communication, lots of sympathetic listening, loads of unselfishness, and with preteens and teens “family councils” can increase teamwork and compliance. Success is possible, and there are great successes.

Children need guidance, instruction, training, choices, consequences and supervision. One thing to remember: You cannot insist on love. All you can do is let it grow. Love must be earned and this takes time. Nurture, encourage, show affection and convey approval.

You may have to deal with jealousy, conflict of loyalties, confusion, resentment, disrespect, aloofness, withdrawal, and frustration. Sit down together and establish rules, responsibilities, and clearly state the consequences and rewards. It is hard to take a back seat to a biological parent. This will be necessary at first.

Be sure to present a unified front. Have your conversations privately before discussing issues with the children. Regular family time will help a great deal. Talk often about how you are getting along as a blending family. Encourage the children to express their feelings.

Attend parenting classes, read good books. If necessary, join a support group. And remember, every child needs to belong, feel important, and believed in.

Divorced and Blended families are dynamic and have great potential.

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